Raptors Rewind: Gay and Company Take Down Bobcats; Josh McRoberts Named Contestant on Dancing With The Stars

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March 16, 2013 by amiracle15

Starting notes: the Raptors’ lineup is so much more advanced on paper than the Bobcats’; if we lose this, I really don’t know what to say.

Take that, Big Mac Beyonce!

Take that, Big Mac Beyonce!

Rudy Gay absolutely swats the hell out of Big Mac Beyonce. I don’t think BMB’s gonna offer up another shot any time soon; wow.

More Rudy Gay, driving to the hoop but you know that against pretty much any other defense in the league (check that, the country) that’ll be a turnover.

And then a MONSTROUS slammy jam from Gay over Big Mac; he must have a vendetta with the burger-loving multi-platinum recording artist/underachieving centre. Then again don’t we all…

Disappointing player of the day: Gerald Henderson, brick on bricks on bricks. Man puts Landry Fields to shame. Speak of the devil, Landry checks in alongside the most irritating player in the world, Sebastatian Telfoul. He bricks a jumper as well, joining the fun.

In a rather peculiar move, Charlotte has decided to bring on that dweeby guy from the Rogers ads; interesting move. Oh wait, that’s Byron Mullens!

T-Ross apple sauce, and it’s 32-23. Matt Devlin serenades Jack Armstrong with odes of Bon Jovi and an all-knowing lovestare, and I’m a little bit weirded out.

Back on the floor, Josh McRoberts is dishing out the McDimes willy-nilly, and letting out behemothesque cries on missed rebound attempts. Gotta let out your passion somewhere, I suppose.

It’s 48-42 at the half and to be honest, it shouldn’t be that close.

To start the half, Jack Armstrong manages to cycle through all of his catch phrases in about 10 seconds.

I’m pretty sure McRoberts is really high right now…

Gordon is pretty jacked.

Gay lets out a howl like a wolf puppy in response to getting fouled.

It can’t be Kevin, he’s the nicest guy in the NBA… Oh sorry about that, I just unintentionally started to regurgitate a KD ad.

DC has arrived… he’s sporting a leather jacket and top hat, black.

MCROBERTS!!!! MASSIVE PUT BACK DUNK! He is sooo baked right now that he’s somehow functional.

AHHHH!! What the hell. I just got a glimpse of the assistant coach for the Bobcats – Brian Winters? He looks straight out of a horror film.

Okay after like 10 consecutive comments not related to basketball, it is 60-56 Raps. It’s actually an uncomfortably close game.

Okay, the Bronas Crew needs to take a break and play some bball. Sorry. Be back shortly.

Aaaand we didn’t make it back. Turns out none of us was really itching to see the finish to this riveting NBA basketball game but the Raptors won!

Team Bench: Rudy Gay, with 28 efficient points.

Team Toad: T-Sauce, with 9 efficient points!

Team Goat: DeMar DeRozan and Landry Fields, combining for 9 points on 1 of 9 shooting. Somebody get Fields the heck off this team please.

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