Landry serves up justice, tossing the ball at the face of an unsuspecting floor sweeper. (Also, Raps make a comeback against an inadequate Cavs team—100-96 Raps)

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March 10, 2013 by Rubixcube

The game beings with uproar as to why Terrance Ross is starting. I personally am okay with this decision of Casey’s. I may have spoken too fast, because the game opens with Ross throwing up a dumb three.

First quarter:

Cleveland with first blood. DeRozan responds.

Johnson with an and-one from a fast-break assist delivered by Lowry. Hits the free. 7-4 Raps.

Lowry with some crisp, speedy dribbling and then delivers to Johnson for a hook-shot that rattles in.

An ugly turnover by Amir. Now it’s 11-9 Cleveland.

Thompson elevates and throw-down over Valanciunus. That was nice.

Lowry with a three.
Hustle play by Ross, saving it from going out. Then on the other end he does some nice handling and almost gets an assist. Ross hits a three off of a DeRozan pass. There ya’ go Ross.

17-15 Cleveland.

At the commercial break, the Bronas Dome begins to reminisce of that time Quincy Acy retweeted the Bronas twitter account.

Ross’ three is short. One of three from beyond the arch.

Anderson’s in, and everyone braces themselves for some serious stink-facing.

Lucas gets a fast break courtesy of some foolish Cav tossing the ball up in the air as he loses his handles. The fast break ends with him getting fouled.

It’s the end of the first. 27-20 Cleveland.

Second Quarter:

The 2nd quarter starts with a mean fade away and-one by Ellington. That was beast.

Landry!! Gets an easy lay-up… off an Anderson pass? Hmmm… haven’t seen one of those in a while.

Anderson hits a three, and I begin to cringe, because now his confidence has risen to a critical point – he will start to shoot a bunch of stupid shots.

Anderson just takes a three… and… misses. I knew that was going to start happening.

Ohh! What a speedy drive by little Lucas. That was Boykins-esque. Lightening speed. 36-27 Cavs.

Telfair signs in and I’m already bored… zzzzz… But, the general consensus is – despite his outright boringness – he does play his position. The same can’t really be said for John Lucas. Incidentally, Telfair gets an assist to Johnson.

After a series of plays. Johnson cleans-up Telfair’s garbage. 42-31 Cavs.

Bronas subs for Anderson. That’s a relief.

Bronas immediately makes an impact with a swift hook shot.

Miles with a nasty three!! 48-33 Cavs. Miles has made 4 threes so far. It’s a game high for him.

Oh, and here we have a Bargnani spotting. There seems to be a disagreement within the Bronas Dome as to how Bargnani is looking tonight. First, one of us comments that he looks classy. Then, another one of us says, he just looks greasy. And finally, the last statement concerning Bargnani’s appearance is that he just looks stupid. So, according to Bronas Dome commentary, this is what Bargnani looks like today: classy-greasy-stupid. Well I think that just about sizes up our tall Primo Pasta-eating oaf. Now it’s halftime. 55-46 Cavs.


Wow, Leo Rautins somehow managed to un-tan over night; he no longer looks orange. Rod Black still looks like a sexual predator.

Third quarter:

The Bronas squad just decided to play some pick up basketball at the half and lost track of time in the process.  Signing back in, it’s 72-69 Cavs. Interesting, the Raps managed to come back.

BRONAS!!! And-one play. Charges his way through and pulls off an immense hook-shot. And it’s all tied up.

AA gets three frees. Everyone agrees, we would much rather have him shoot three frees than an uncontested three.

Meanwhile, Kleiza continues to look bad-ass on the bench.

Wicked play by Fields!??! That was seriously surprising. A stylish over and under from one side of the basket to the other. I had no idea he was capable of such skillful acts.

DC is sporting a sweater, blue.

Fields executes a really swift quick pass. He seems to be really good at fast paced passes where he barely catches the ball, but rather does a sort of volleyball set.

Fields chucks a shot from the Raps end of the court after the buzzer, just for fun. And it smacks the face of the court floor sweeper on the other side of the court. The sweeper grabs his face in agony. Telfair, meanwhile, just laughs at him. And of course Landry just walks off acting all cool like nothing happened – “no big deal guys, I’m just that good”. That was a seriously comedic end to the third quarter.

Leo Rautins comments on the sweeper incident, and manages to make a hilarious moment incredibly not funny. He’s so straight-edge.
And the Raps start the fourth at the free throw line… I’m not sure why. Do you get a bonus free for hitting the floor sweeper in the face from back court?

Fourth Quarter:

Alright, now back to the game: 80-78 Raps.

Telfair executes an incredibly boring play; Telfair is boring. He’s as boring as Leo Rautins – maybe just a little more boring because he doesn’t have highlights or an orange tan.

Anderson pulls off a solid drive.

Zeller gets stuffed by Amir. Take that you unathletic white guy.

Fields almost does a repeat of his nice play earlier (not the hitting the sweeper play).

After a goofy turnover by the Cavs, the fast-break ends with Fields finishing a low percentage shot for his standards (aka an uncontested layup). And Landry now has 9 points and might be in danger of getting a double-double. 86-78 for the Raps. The Raps have definitely picked it up.

Landry Fields puts away a shot from Amir, and the entire room starts coming up with puns for his name.

Christmas comes early, as DC decides to take Telfair off. Thank goodness, I was very nearly slipping into a catatonic state… Oh yeah did I mention that Telfair is boring?

Contested shot by Anderson! It really isn’t surprising that he would take such a stupid contested shot.

90-83 for the Raps.

The entire Bronas Dome has no hope for the Raps actually holding this lead. Maybe some of us do, but don’t want to admit it.

Nice feed by Fields. Great vision. I’m a fan of Fields’ passing. 94-92 Raps. The lead is already shriveling apart.

Fields misses both frees. Shit.

Waiters serves up a cold cut… to the basket and finishes strong making it 94-94. I wouldn’t tip him if he were my waiter.

Anderson clearly thinks he’s Kobe as he puts up a ridiculous off-balance attempt.

95-94 Cavs off a Waiters free. Now Lowry’s at the line. Hits them both, now it’s 96-95 Raps.

Lowry sauces it up with a ridonculous spin-to-fade! Raps up 3.

Oh shit, I hoped I’d never see that stupid Canadian Club Whiskey guy again, but sure enough they came up with another cringe-worthy ad with him. He’s like the Dos Equis guy, but not interesting at all, and in fact just downright revolting in every way. As I’ve said many a time: he has a very (VERY) punchable face.

Anyways back to the game. 4.7 remaining on the clock. 98-95 Raps, and Waiters is at the line. Misses his second 98-96. 3.4 on the clock when the Raps get fouled.

DeRozan is at the line to seal the deal. 1st is good. 2nd is good! And that’s the 100th point tonight for the Raps!!!! The fans cheer with delirious delight as they now know that they have clinched a pizza stain on their already greasy Bargnani jerseys. They may also have cheered, to a much lesser degree, for the fact that the Raps have now surely clinched the win. And that’s it folks, the Raps have won in the least impressive manner possible. 100-96 is your final score. Pizza time!!!!

Game Bench:  Lowry was for the most part the best Raptor tonight. He was +16—the next closest to that was +6—and he scored 15 points with 5 assist. He was probably the main reason that the Raps made their comeback. I also liked the way Landry Fields played tonight. His passing was clever and quick tonight, even though he only scored 9 points.

Game Toad: T-Ross for managing to slither his way into a spot on the starting five. How the hell did he do that? He also managed to get 14 points, which is the most he’s scored it quite a while.

Game Goat: Telfair was boring to watch and on paper also played very unimpressively. He ended up with 0 points, going 0 for 3, in over 13 minutes of play. He also somehow managed to get 2 fouls



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