BREAKING: Tears Shed as Haddadi Shipped in “Shameless, Heartless” Deal


February 21, 2013 by amiracle15

Raptors fans are up in arms and at a loss to explain GM Bryan Colangelo’s latest executed trade. ESPN’s Chris Broussard confirmed today that Hamed Haddadi has been shipped to Phoenix in exchange for Sebastian Telfair, who will help the point guard situation. He won’t, however, quell the pain in the hearts of Raptor fans about Haddadi’s departure, as he was a player they grew to know and love so deeply.


Toronto Raptors fans gather to mourn the loss of franchise stalwart Hamed Haddadi

Toronto Raptors fans gather to mourn the loss of franchise stalwart Hamed Haddadi


“When BC traded away Ed Davis and Jose Calderon, I was like ‘okay, that’s tough; they’ve been with this team for a while and contributed’,” said avid fan Garon Ray. “But Hamed, man. He just means too much for this team. Where is your heart, Bryan Colangelo???”

Despite being a Raptor for just three weeks and playing zero minutes, Haddadi made an enduring impact on the organization which many have spoken of in the same light as words like “Michael Jordan”, “Vince Carter” and “Primo Pasta”.

While Haddadi’s presence will certain be missed off the court, there is also the more practical problem of adjusting to basketball without Haddadi.

“He was just so key in all our offensive sets,” lamented coach Dwane Casey. “It’s tough when you lose a key player like that–I guess it’s back to the drawing board.”

Haddadi himself is cautiously optimistic about the deal, despite being moved back to a city in which he will be the only Persian. Sources say Haddadi may be working on a emo remix of a classic A Flock of Seagulls hit dubbed “Iran: So Far Away…. ;(“. He also expressed a modicum of displeasure concerning this blog for its treatment of him.

“[Bronas and the Whale] compared to me a grizzly, and that just wasn’t okay. Maybe it would be if they didn’t have such a massive fanbase, with readers form over 50 countries in all 5 continents. But they do, and I’m gone now.”

Asked about how it must feel to Haddadi to be traded to rapidly from team to team, Rudy Gay (who was teammates with Haddadi in Memphis as well) was slightly unsure.

“Hamed who? Wait, he was on the Grizzlies too!? I thought he was just a security guard… weird.”


One thought on “BREAKING: Tears Shed as Haddadi Shipped in “Shameless, Heartless” Deal

  1. Rubixcube says:

    Stroke-face emoticon, eh? ;( …hahahaha. Great read. The humor really helped dull the pain of the…. I can’t even talk about it. It’s just too awful ;(

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