Acy In The Hole


January 11, 2013 by bronasvalanciunas

Toronto Raptors vs. Charlotte Bobcats

Amir Johnson screams.

Amir Johnson screams.

First Quarter:

ED DAVIS! Like a Hammer! (first points of the game)

Landry Fields sets up a long, open 2 and hits the side of the backboard. Our first classic Fields moment of the game.

Ed Davis had started quickly this game, as has Jose, with his passing and his layups, and his general frantic demeanor. The Raptors have opened up a quick lead here, 10-2 after 4 minutes. This is magical basketball, tearing apart an atrocious Bobcats team who has so far focused on turning the ball over, and giving the illusion of organization.

Now 17-6, the Raptors have scored more points off dunks than the Bobcats have scored in total.

Some time passes.

Jose, la paloma, throws up a video game alley-oop to Demar in a crowd of 3, and even with the Raptors’ newfound confidence they can’t make that sort of play work. It doesn’t matter right now though, as the Raptors justs keep on trucking.

Ad Break: Time to switch the channel to “Mystery of the Fairy Circles” on Oasis. There’s some dust, and some dry grass, and some larvae. Then a car drives 1000 kilometers. Time to switch back to the Raptors.

Alan Anderson (now on Twitter!!) has come onto the dance floor, and he’s brought his wrestling partner Kyle Lowry with him.

Acy has been chosen over Aaron Gray to enter the game. HE IMMEDIATEY MAKES AN IMPACT!!!!!!!!!! Acy Block. Jack Armstrong gets excited about it and his usual articulate commentary degenerates into catchphrases and then random word strings.

2nd Quarter:

We pan over a pensive Aaron Gray on the bench. He’s stroking his beard.

Lowry picks the ball off and the Raptors have a 2-on-1 and Lowry dishes to Ross for a classy flying dunk, which turns Jack Armstrong’s usual raspy voice into a high-pitched preteen scream.

Dwane has tossed Aaron Gray into the game. Let the Bobcats taste every flavor the Raptors have to offer. Wise.

Terrence Ross looks as good as ever coming off his injury. 2 more quick buckets and he’s up to 3-3 and 7 points on the night. And the night is young.

6:07 left in the second quarter. 41-22 Raptors.

Aaron Gray would be a more effective player if he wore a shooter’s sleeve. Fact.

Landry Fields would be a more effective player if he styled his hair like Aaron Gray. Speculation.

Both teams have now sent out small lineups, with the Raptors playing Amir at Center and Landry at Power Forward. However, the Bobcats are showing some of that classic Bobcat resiliency which has led them to 2 victories in their last 30-or-so games. With the score now 48-31, the Whale is starting to sweat. Bronas, on the other hand, is managing to keep his cool.

Leo Rautins is shown beaming on the sideline. When Leo beams, the whole world beams with him. When Leo cries, he cries alone.

Courtesy of Ben Gordon and something from the other Bobcats, Charlotte is now down only by 14.

Quincy Acy gets called for an offensive foul. What a cruel world we live in.

Halftime break: Amir is interviewed. Reporter asks 3 generic questions. Amir provides 6 or 7 generic comments.

3rd Quarter:

Remember when the Raptors had Dominic McGuire? Good times.

Anyhow, the 3rd Quarter has begun similarly to the first quarter, with the Raptors going on an 11-4 run early. Landry Fields joins the party once again by hitting a shot off the side of the backboard.

6:08 left in the third quarter now. I apologize for the lack of stupid commentary for the start of the third quarter. No doubt you feel disappointed by this, reader.

The room perks up with a flash of Jose side boob.

Ben Gordon has a well-defined muscular build. He’s been pleasing on the eye today, even if it has been painful watching most of the Bobcats tonight.

Anderson hits a 3 to make it 73-51. Do I sense Acy-Lucas time coming up soon?

Ross, on the other hand has gone cold this quarter

At the tail end of the third quarter, Alan Anderson hits a three with 1 second on the shot clock. Yeah.

4th Quarter:

I miss Kyle Lowry’s one-sleeved t-shirt. The banter in the Bronasdome has degenerated to arguing over which of the 4 lanky white Bronas bloggers looks most like Kyle Lowry.

Quincy Acy has entered the game. He hits a shot from two feet inside the 3 point line, showing off his clutch 4th quarter game.

Then all of the Bronas bloggers fall on the floor in vigorous euphoria as Quincy Acy climbs that ladder and dunks over all 5 Charlotte Bobcats (warning: exaggeration) , which cracks a smile from stiff Lithuanian bar fighter Linas Kleiza. Only in Toronto.

Landry Fields needs bigger biceps before I’ll start taking him seriously as an basketball enthusiast. Landry now has 6 points, 9 rebounds and is in danger of getting another double-double. You have been warned.

Acy!!! ACY!!!! ACY!!!! ACY!!!!! ACY!!!! Acy with a two-handed dunk putback. He then blows kisses to the crowd in his mind.

Lucas in. Dwane’s giving him the opportunity to show off his chemistry with Quincy Acy, and unlock the secrets of the NBA 3.

Lucas shows why he is one of the most highly sought after veterans in the NBA, with a poorly chosen, contested 3. He nails it. TOAD!

Dwane Casey finally gives in, and lets Gray come off the bench for a stroll on the floor. He makes a laughably slow dunk after the play is done. Those don’t count, big guy.

Game Bench: Quincy Acy. His best game of the season, capped by two crazy dunks. Not the best Raptor, but definitely the most enjoyable to watch.

Game Toad: Alan Anderson. Lots of shots, some of ‘em went in.

Game Goat: Demar Derozan. He didn’t have it today. Luckily, it didn’t matter because the Bobcats were flat, compounding their usual problems with talent and organization.



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